India’s forgotten class of single women faces mainstream exclusion
Image credit Bhawna Malik
Single women constituency finds no space in political discourse
By Bhawna Malik
New Delhi, April 23: Pooja Malhotra (name changed), 40, woke up to a harsh reality after losing her mother to a prolonged illness. Her brother, married and settled abroad, was never available for family responsibilities.
Her father a well-placed businessman had left her a three-story house in a posh area of Delhi, which caught fancy of local property dealers and, of course, her neighbours too. Just a week after her mother’s death, regular calls from property dealers, coaxing her to sell, rent out or enter into any collaboration with a builder for her property, became a norm. She was suddenly a business proposal for all.
The 2011 Census had a shocking revelation that India has 71 million single women, a 39 per cent rise from the last decade. The numbers had risen from 51.2 million in 2001 to 71.4 million in 2011.
The age group from 25 to 29 years has seen the largest rise in single women (68%), followed by women in the age group of 20-24 years (60%), i.e., 16.9 million are almost 23 per cent of single women, indicating that the average age of marriage might have moved.
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India’s single women include, never married, widowed with or without kids, divorced with or without kids. And, lately the population of lesbians, transgender are also adding up to this number.
Singles, no longer, are mere statistics, rather they are a breed of educated independent working women, tax payers, voters and contributors in the Indian economy.
To remain single can be a matter of choice and in some cases circumstantial also. The reasons vary – taking care of the parents, disease or disability, not finding the right person, busy with career or an inner fear of landing up in an abusive marriage.
Anubha Mittal (name changed) was widowed after five years of marriage and she came back to live with her parents. Youngest of the four married and well-placed sisters, Anubha continued with her stable 9-5 job and decided not to succumb to family pressure to remarry.
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All was well until she lost her father to a terminal disease and three years later her mother too passed away. The safety net of the parents was torn and she had to hear murmurs getting louder regarding the distribution of the parental property within a few weeks of the death.
Anubha, now in her late forties shares, “I spent my entire life with my parents, never complaining or asking for any benefits from them rather I single handedly ran from pillar to post when my father was diagnosed with kidney failure. After I am gone this belongs to my sisters only. What’s the hurry?”
“These are the pressure tactics forcing a single woman to take a hasty decision,” says Geeta Bajaj, a single woman in her 50s, who lost her parents and siblings. “You are single doesn’t add up that you are available,” she further adds.
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She is a writer and hails from an affluent family. She was completely aware of pitfalls, but was caught unaware when her cousin started visiting her at odd hours. She was firm in never allowing him to enter her home alone and also informed his wife about his visits.
People patronised her and then came up with their hidden agenda and subtle threats that if she doesn’t collaborate with them, they will “Khilara daal denge’ create mess for her. ‘I was always under watch. I was losing my privacy and people were trying hard to manipulate,” she said.
Journalist-turned-author Sri Moyee Piu Kundu in 2017 came out with her book ‘Status Single’ for which she interviewed 3,000 single women. Being a single woman herself, she had faced taunts regarding her solo travels and health issues, not from the relatives but airport authorities and the hospital staff.
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Once on an International flight, travelling with her parents, she was chided by an officer — “Lady you are having fun.” Through this book, she became a community leader and even started a group of urban single women ‘Status Single’.
Not every single woman is well-placed, educated, working and living life on her own terms. Culturally, in India, still daughters do not have discussions on property matters with their parents and despite being educated the decisions are taken by their parents.
The risk is at various levels – personal, professional, emotional, and psychological. The single community faces challenges in finding a rented place or buying a new house.
People fear having them as tenants and others plan for taking them on a ride. The Resident Welfare Associations (RWA) do help sometimes but the singles, to safeguard their privacy, have to keep a distance too. Hiring a house help or approaching the police for any matter further endangers their security concerns.
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Strangely, Indian political discourse is oblivious to this section of the society and India is still at its infancy in dealing with the growing population of the single women. No leader has ever considered discussing this issue in Parliament, neither any policy has been spelt out benefitting the singles.
The woman reservation bill or the women leaders in parliament owe this to their counter parts – Be it their security concerns, their participation in the policy making, or living their lives sanely and safely in India.
Most common advice given to singles is ‘why didn’t you get married, see now you have to face all this’.
Being single is not a disease or a threat for others. With changing social norms and structures, it is fast becoming a new normal but living under watch and constant fear can never be normalized. It’s time this silent and invisible population gets attention, and the government must assure – DIE – Diversity, Equality and Inclusion.
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